Lonestar – “Mr. Mom”
Let’s stop right
here. This title is the first
problem. Mr. Mom? You’ve contradicted yourself. ‘Mr.’ is exclusive from ‘mom’ in that they
are different genders! But you know this
and it’s done purposefully. Rather, you
wish to take part in Tim McGraw’s “Back When” and return to a time when the
female was the care-giver. So it’s the
Mom at home. Not only have you become
Mr. Mom but your wife has now become Mrs. Dad since she’s gone to work
now? How you were managing with a single
income in the first place is beyond me. On to the song…
Lost my job, came home mad
Got a hug and kiss and that's too bad
She said I can go to work until you find another job
I thought I like the sound of that
Watch TV and take long naps
Go from a hand working dad to being Mr. Mom
Last line dad works,
mom stays at home. We’re in 2005! Ok, so the song is 2004 but that’s no
different. Our morals didn’t change on
Jan. 1. “Oh, a new year! Today, we start treating women as
equals!” I don’t think so.
You think you’re going
to watch TV all day? You know you have
kids. Where did you get that idea from?
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast, six; naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
First of all, Pampers
are disposable and there’s no need for them to be in a dryer whether they’re
clean or dirty. Gross. Secondly, Pampers=plastic. Plastic is going to melt in any dryer. Try putting your crayons in there and see
what happens then.
Barney? So the TV has become the babysitter. At least make it quality, edutainment,
then. Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers. None of this mindless gunk: Barney, Teletubbies, Boobah.
There’s that “Mr. Mom”
thing again. So many problems with that.
Football, soccer and ballet
Squeeze in Scouts and PTA
And there's that shopping list she left
That's seven pages long
How much smoke can one stove make
The kids won't eat my charcoal cake
It's more than any maid can take
Being Mr. Mom
How much stuff are you
forcing your kids into? See what you’re
complaining about, no free time, now you’re forcing it upon your kids!
Of course they’re not
going to eat your charcoal cake, charcoal is bad for the health and I can’t
imagine it tasting very good. It’d have
to be super dry. I’d eat it just to
And why’d she have to
leave the shopping list, don’t you know how?
[chorus, Barney for the 16th time]
Before I fall in bed tonight
If the dog didn't eat the classifieds
I'm gonna look just one more time
Don’t trust your wife
do you? Gonna steal her thunder. She finally gets out of the house and you
want to take that away from her. Quitter
or just don’t like your kids that much?
[Barney # 18]
Balancin' checkbooks, juggling bills
Thought there was nothing to it
Baby, now I know how you feel
What I don't know is how you do it
Wow, this is a bit
more modern than the rest of the song. I
would have thought your traditional value scheme implied in the title “Mr. Mom”
would have meant all finances would be handled by the bread-winning husband.
If you know she has it
so bad, why don’t you help out some!
Easy solution: being a family,
you’re supposed to help each other and share the work.