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We're here to poke fun at music. Whatever music we choose and in any way we see fit.

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These are our recent mockings! Show us your pleasure or displeasure by leaving comments. Leave your own humorous takes on the songs. Make fun of us. We're just here for entertainment.
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Sep. 9th, 2005 @ 01:26 pm You're serious?
So that "My Humps" song . . . it's by the Black Eyed Peas. I don't even want to waste the time to post the lyrics.
About this Entry
alinapaz:
Jul. 11th, 2005 @ 11:32 pm Strongbad
Go see Strongbad. It's his bottom 10 list.  #2 Songs that try to pass of la las, na nas and doot doots as legitimate lyrics.  Sound familiar to anybody?
About this Entry
arbusto:
Jul. 5th, 2005 @ 09:44 am Return of the excrement
I haven't done this in a while. It used to be super fun. See if you can figure out what I did.

Faith Hill/Angie Aparo - Cry

If I had just one poop running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope, maybe I'd get some poop
If I had just one poop at your expense
Maybe all my poop would be well spent
Could you poop a little
Poop just a little
Pretend that you're pooping a little more pain
I poop, now I'm wanting
Something in poop
So cry just a little for poop

If your poop could be caged, honey, I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of poop you handed me
And you'd hunt those poop, they'd be all you'd ever find
And that'd be all you'd have to poop
For poop to be fine

And you'd poop a little
Poop just a little
And, baby, I would feel just a little less poop
I poop, now I'm wanting
Something in poop
So cry just a little for poop

Give it poop, baby
I hear you're pooping fine
Nothin's gonna save poop
'Til I see it in your poop
Some kind of poopache, honey
Give poop a try

I don't poop pity
I just want what is poop


So that was more fun to do that I'd remembered.
About this Entry
arbusto:
Jun. 6th, 2005 @ 01:44 pm Maroon 5 - This Love
I did not realize how dirty this song was until driving the other day and it came on. There are some incredibly dirty dirty parts to this song. Is it all about sex? Let's take a look at several excerpts.

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

Well, "appetite" is pretty obvious. And "coming" is explicit. So, it seems she has an insatiable sexual appetite. He's dating a nymphomaniac. Lucky guy. Sadly, however, it seems somebody was faking (pretending - we're going to ignore the "love" line or, at least, pretend he's meaning "making love"). Then leaving? Wham bam, thank you...sir?

My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

Again, very explicit lyrics. Not a whole lot left to the imagination. Just the way we like it. We're an unimaginitive bunch (or at least the majority of America is).

Her heart is breaking in front of me
But I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I suppose you don't really have to say 'goodbye' to hookers do you? Good thing. That would likely be awkward. Unless you're a repeat customer.
About this Entry
arbusto:
Apr. 25th, 2005 @ 11:48 pm (no subject)
Since many members of this community are alumni of Luther College, it seemed fitting to finally address the problem that is the Dave Matthews Band. Their late 1990's recording, "Live at Luther College," has been used for almost seven years as a public relations tool that has attracted far too many students that could be viewed as tools themselves to such a fine establishment. Ergo, I bring you a set of quotations in relation to this "jam band." The comments listed are all from sources who shall remain anonymous. Any additional comments in the same format are welcome and will be posted:

"DMB makes me want to insult some unsuspecting freshman who thinks he can play the guitar."

"DMB makes me want to hurl (name witheld) off the Farwell bridge."

"DMB makes me want to poop on pedestrians."*

"DMB makes me want to la-la."

"DMB makes me want to exfoliate with candle wax from Juletide."

"DMB makes me want to vomit, kill, kick."

"DMB makes me want to drag the perpetrators into the town square and brutally kick them until they repent of their wicked ways and then bind their hands and feet and behead them, after being lampooned and spat upon by the crowd."

"DMB makes me want to dismember my ears."

"DMB makes me want to pee."

"DMB makes me want to shave my head and tattoo it with Gene SImmons' face."

"DMB makes me want to take his guitar strings and strangle them all."

"DMB makes me miss Hootie and the Blowfish."

"DMB makes me want to buy jeans online at 1 am."

"How do you solve a problem like Dave Matthews?
How do you find a cult and beat it down?
How do you undo years of brain erasing?
You lampoon the band and kick all its fans out of town..." (The Sound of Music)

DMB makes me want to develop a chronic drinking problem.

DMB makes me want to overdose on heroin.

DMB makes me want to practice open heart surgery on rabbits.

DMB makes me want to put them in a ring and make them face off unarmed against the Vienna Boys Choir, who will be armed with various weapons.  Odds are 50:1 in favor of the boys, betting begins Tuesday at 8 pm.

DMB makes me want to cry.  (Baby Jesus, too.)

DMB makes me want to resurrect Mao Zedong.

DMB makes me want to scratch chalkboards.

DMB makes me want to kick puppies.

"DMB makes me want to f*$# Michael Stipe until I lose my religion."







*Note: This has already been accounted for by the band.
About this Entry
alinapaz:
Apr. 19th, 2005 @ 05:51 pm Westlife - Swear It Again
The commentary is his true thought process.

I wanna know
[Even though I likely won’t enjoy the answer]
Who ever told you I was letting go
[I just can’t take it anymore. I’m gonna jump!]
Of the only joy that I have ever known
[Who ate my cheese?]
Girl, they were lying
[Girl, if you believe me, you’re one sorry sap.]

Just look around
[So I can make a break for it.]
And all of the people that we used to know
[I hate them all. Your friends suck]
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
[They hate you too]
But we're still trying
[We suck at life]

So you should know this love we share was never made to die
[Need a few more clichés and cheese to finish this one off]
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
[Coming from opposite directions, poised for a head on collision.]
Just you and I
[I wouldn’t go out with you if we were the last two people on earth and there were no goats, are there goats?]

Chorus:
I'm never gonna say goodbye
[Adios, ciao, see ya later all work just as well]
Cos I never wanna see you cry
[I don’t mind hearing it, especially while you’re locked in a closet]
I swore to you my love would remain
[Locked inside me; I had my fingers crossed.]
And I swear it all over again and I
[My fingers are still crossed]
I'm never gonna treat you bad
[Poorly, maybe, but not bad]
Cos I never wanna see you sad
[Bruised, depressed, angered, etc. all work]
I swore to share your joy and your pain
[Or be the cause of the pain and destroyer of joy, I don’t remember what I swore]
And I swear it all over again
[@$$, f---, p!$$, crap]

All over again

Some people say
[I try not to listen to the voices in your head]
That everything has got its place in time
[I hate that predestination crap]
Even the day must give way to the night
[The night is never going to end]
But I'm not buying
[I walk out before I have to pay]
Cos in your eyes
[Is a large piece of glass, did I put that there?]
I see a love that burns eternally
[Here’s the other cliché we’ve been missing]
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
[And to nobody else. You have a face only a mother could love, or beer goggles]
You'll know I'm not lying
[Merely fibbing a bit]

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
[Most points of the day]
But even if we try
[I know I’ve been trying to run away for a while now]
There are some things in this life won't be denied
[Sadly, all other women have denied me; hence, I’m stuck with you]
Won't be denied
[I was also turned down for all my jobs]

Chorus:

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
[And the more you want to run away screaming]
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
[Forever….forever…..forever….]
And the more that you love me, the more that I know
[that the drugs are working effectively]
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
[Add kidnapping to my criminal record]
Gotta let you know that I
[am going in for a sex change tomorrow]

I'm never gonna say goodbye
[Cue evil cackle]

Repeat chorus over and over again.
About this Entry
arbusto:
Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 03:12 pm Innuendos
I had a brilliant idea following Alinapaz's post of "Candy Shop."

Let's create a list of all the songs with bad innuendos we can think of. See if we can come up with a reason why it's so bad (bad meaning it doesn't work as an innuendo because it's too explicit, too far fetched or any other reason why the song may be bad).

Alinapaz has gotten us started with "Candy Shop" and her reasons why it's bad.

I am adding "Milkshake." I think it's bad because it's overly catchy and I don't think anybody quite knows what it means. I've heard several competeing views of what her milkshake is. Also, why would it be in the yard? Aren't there laws against that? Then there's the having to charge, I also don't think prostitution is legal, unless they're in Vegas or Europe.
About this Entry
arbusto:
Mar. 19th, 2005 @ 06:10 pm fitty cent
"Candy Shop"
50 cent (feat. Olivia)

[Intro: 50 Cent]
Yeah...
Uh huh
So seductive

[Ahem. First of all, this goes on for quite a while and, frankly, Mr.
Cent, you're not as seductive as you may assume. Getting shot in the
face and basing your entire career from the incident is one example of
"not seductive." Another is admitting your own sexual shortcomings --
no pun intended.]

I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollypop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

[Where to start: First, this candy shop seems not to entail an
emporium of sweets, but rather a strangely metaphorical list of
desires of the flesh. This "lollypop" you speak of is not the
confection of childhood yore (another creepy part of this song), but
rather the phallus. Now, by telling the girl to "go ahead and refrain from stopping" you imply
that it takes a considered effort for you to climax, at this "spot"
that demands to be hit. Whoa.
There's something else. Your interjection to your own lyrics presents
confusion]

I'll take you to the candy shop
Boy one taste of what I got
I'll have you spending all you got
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

[You have goodies. I understand. I also understand that you are a
classically trained musician with perfect pitch. Why are you selling
these talents so short to work with such a schmuck?]


You can have it your way, how do you want it
You gon' back that thing up or should i push up on it

[Fitty, let me put this out front. You have a problem with rhyming
words with the same word: i.e. "it" and "it" Secondly, this is very
sexually explicit. Like the kind that to which Tipper Gore might
object. I see from this that you prefer "doggy style" or, perhaps,
woman on top. Are you a "bottom"? Does seductive really mean .
submissive?]



Temperature rising, okay lets go to the next level
Dance floor jam packed, hot as a teakettle

[And it's going to burst! Wow, this sums up any poor fresh-girl's
Roscoe's experience perfectly. But still, you're in public. Please
keep your clothes on. And the Teakettle? It rhymes -- way to stay away
from "level" and "level," but next time pick a simile less jam packed]

I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho

[So. You want some? Don't rhyme nympho with itself. Also, I thought
that was a female term. Mr. Cent, do you have gender identification
issues?] 

In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into

[You're straight to the point and will do it ANYWHERE. Ladies, look
out for this man. He's hungry, unable to identify himself and may be
wandering along the sidewalk with his pants down. Does this remind you
of anyone?] 

Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor

[Hoo-boy. Let me doctor your stick.]

Have your friends teasin you 'bout how sprung I gotcha
[Just a note to fellow ladies out there: when aroused, are we "sprung?"]
Wanna show me how you work it baby, no problem
Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
[Picture those mechanical bull things]
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
[Seasoned? Vet? As in veteran or. . veterinarian?]
After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm tryin to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)

[We've been over the above and, well, it's getting a little old. This
first line, working up a sweat followed by repetitive stick-play. Are
you implying foreplay or hockey (in which case high sticking might be
allowed)? You're not explaining your desires very well and, if this
keeps up, there is no way you will melt anywhere near me.
Also this is a blatant ripoff of the old M&M's commercial]

[Chorus]

[Bridge: 50 Cent & Olivia]
Girl what we do (what we do)
And where we do (and where we do)
The things we do (things we do)
Are just between me and you (oh yeah)

[no strings attached] 

[Verse 2: 50 Cent]
Give it to me baby, nice and slow
Climb on top, ride like you in the rodeo
[I thought you rode fast. I'm so confused . . . I also thought you
wanted to be on the bottom aka "ridden," so why this switch?]
You ain't never heard a sound like this before
[What? Of my calling a cab to leave you? Or of my ex calling me? Maybe
it was the screams that kicked you out of the bar]
Cause I ain't never put it down like this
[And you won't do it ever again]
Soon as I come through the door she get to pullin on my zipper
[Re: There's Something about Mary]
It's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker
[Or dressed. See ya.]
Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
[Please be clearer in referencing about whom you brag. The MakeOut
club does not accept fuzzy labeling. And by "em" are you implying
plural asses? Since when was this a three-way?]
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind
[So you're taking me to to the candy shop to watch you and this other
slut? I am not a voyeur and I am certainly not seduced by your sweet
rhymes]
So seductive, you should see the way she wind
Her hips in slow-mo on the floor when we grind
[Okay. Is this in the bar? At your place? Would you do it in a bar?
Would you do it in a car? On a bed? On the stairs? Would you, could
you, anywhere?]
As Long as she ain't stoppin, homie I aint stoppin
Drippin wet with sweat man its on and popping
All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle its on
And we gon' sip til every bubble in every bottle is gone

[Just because this song was released in 2004 does not legitimize the
poor usage of "campaign". And, I believe, the number one rule that you
seem to have broken is simple. Every guy knows it: NO SEX IN THE
CHAMPAGNE ROOM]

[Chorus 2x]
About this Entry
alinapaz:
Mar. 18th, 2005 @ 04:36 pm Boulevard of Broken Dreams meets the Appellate Brief
We at the law school had appellate briefs due a week ago. One of my roommates got into full blown procrastination and revamped Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" to fit his mood.

Here it is with a few improvements made by the mockery team.

I write a boring brief
The only brief that I have ever known
Don't know where to quote
But it's due soon and I write alone
I write this empty brief
In the week without a bar review
When the roommates sleep
And I am the only one, and I write alone.

I write alone,
I write alone,

I write alone,
I write a…

My spellchecker is the only one who writes beside me,
My tired head is the only thing that's hurting,
Sometimes I wish someone up there would write for me,
'Til then I write alone.
About this Entry
arbusto:
Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 06:07 pm A social discourse

Lonestar – “Mr. Mom”

 Let’s stop right here.  This title is the first problem.  Mr. Mom?  You’ve contradicted yourself.  ‘Mr.’ is exclusive from ‘mom’ in that they are different genders!  But you know this and it’s done purposefully.  Rather, you wish to take part in Tim McGraw’s “Back When” and return to a time when the female was the care-giver.  So it’s the Mom at home.  Not only have you become Mr. Mom but your wife has now become Mrs. Dad since she’s gone to work now?  How you were managing with a single income in the first place is beyond me. On to the song…

 Lost my job, came home mad
Got a hug and kiss and that's too bad
She said I can go to work until you find another job
I thought I like the sound of that
Watch TV and take long naps
Go from a hand working dad to being Mr. Mom

 
Last line dad works, mom stays at home.  We’re in 2005!  Ok, so the song is 2004 but that’s no different.  Our morals didn’t change on Jan. 1.  “Oh, a new year!  Today, we start treating women as equals!”  I don’t think so.
You think you’re going to watch TV all day?  You know you have kids.  Where did you get that idea from?


Well
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast, six; naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday
Mr. Mom

 First of all, Pampers are disposable and there’s no need for them to be in a dryer whether they’re clean or dirty.  Gross.  Secondly, Pampers=plastic.  Plastic is going to melt in any dryer.  Try putting your crayons in there and see what happens then.

Barney?  So the TV has become the babysitter.  At least make it quality, edutainment, then.  Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers.  None of this mindless gunk:  Barney, Teletubbies, Boobah.

There’s that “Mr. Mom” thing again.  So many problems with that.

Football, soccer and ballet
Squeeze in Scouts and PTA
And there's that shopping list she left
That's seven pages long
How much smoke can one stove make
The kids won't eat my charcoal cake
It's more than any maid can take
Being Mr. Mom

How much stuff are you forcing your kids into?  See what you’re complaining about, no free time, now you’re forcing it upon your kids!

Of course they’re not going to eat your charcoal cake, charcoal is bad for the health and I can’t imagine it tasting very good.  It’d have to be super dry.  I’d eat it just to spite you.

And why’d she have to leave the shopping list, don’t you know how?

[chorus, Barney for the 16th time]

Before I fall in bed tonight
If the dog didn't eat the classifieds
I'm gonna look just one more time

 Don’t trust your wife do you?  Gonna steal her thunder.  She finally gets out of the house and you want to take that away from her.  Quitter or just don’t like your kids that much?

[Barney # 18]

Balancin' checkbooks, juggling bills
Thought there was nothing to it
Baby, now I know how you feel
What I don't know is how you do it

 Wow, this is a bit more modern than the rest of the song.  I would have thought your traditional value scheme implied in the title “Mr. Mom” would have meant all finances would be handled by the bread-winning husband.

If you know she has it so bad, why don’t you help out some!  Easy solution:  being a family, you’re supposed to help each other and share the work.

About this Entry
Superhero
arbusto: